Categories
life

Validation

The path you walk is yours to walk alone…. while it would be nice for your friends and family to offer support and encouragement, they do not NEED to agree with you 100% of the time or even understand why you do what you do.   You are the one living your life and it is up to you to make the most of it.  For years, I tried to live a life that I hoped my family and peers would approve of… no, be in awe of… and the thought of being successful revolved around how many zeros were in my annual salary… WRONG!   Guess what… I decided in 2012 to change my life… and while I wound up taking a HUGE pay cut, I am much happier… It was a big risk to shift gears into Personal Training from working in Corporate America as a Property Manager for nearly a decade (total nerd with a B.S. in Mechanical Engineering)… But my passion for LIFE kept pushing me in this direction.  Here’s a side note, I still have the admiration and awe of my parents and friends, because I had the courage to take the leap.

Many times, it is best to move in silence, and let the outcome speak for itself… I believe following your passion is a good starting point, but make sure you plan a few steps and can pay your bills… Then…

let it go!

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Categories
life

Latina

As I get older, my roots, the blood in my veins, and the music that plays in my heart echo louder and louder… as if my ancestors are reaching out to me from their graves… I have always been very proud of the name Gonzalez and of who I am…  but due to circumstances out of my control I was not immersed in my culture as a child and adolescent… Both of my parents worked very hard to break recurring cycles that passed on from generation to generation, and while I am proud of them both for providing a life for me that was different from each of their respective lives, I always felt disconnected from my culture, from my extended family, and from mi orgullo (my roots).  Now, I’m in my mid-30s, seeking out people to practice my Spanish-speaking skills with and constantly listening to Spanish radio stations, partially to get up to speed with current music, but also to listen to commercials and the DJs between each song to test my comprehension.

It is not easy, but it is so worth it.  Puerto Rican culture is so rich and my family history is something I’m sure I will always have questions about, since I now have only one living Grandparent.  I do wish I was raised bilingual, but if it takes me the rest of my life to get there, so be it.  It’s worth it.

Categories
FitbyTiana

Support

Yesterday was a huge day for one of my Figure clients.  She graced the stage in her blinged-out custom-made bikini and high heels and strutted her chiseled and stunning body  for hundreds to see in her first competition of the season, Atlantic States.  It is perhaps the biggest Regional Level show in the Northeast each year.  I heard there were approximately 450 competitors that participated in the event.  For me, the day was very special for many reasons.  For starters, I was there to provide support for my client, who trained with me for 7 months in preparation for the event.  Secondly, I did the very same show 5 years ago and did very well.  But the most special part of the day, for me, besides what took place on stage, I was reminded how incredibly important it is to have a reliable support system.

I’m sure many of you that compete are nodding your head right now and either smiling because you are fortunate to have great supporters  in your corner…. or maybe you’re sighing and slumping down in your seat because at some point someone let you down or you feel kinda lonely on your pursuit.

My client’s family was at the show from start to finish.  Her younger brother was up before 5 am to drive her to my house to finish up her tan and do her makeup, then he drove her into the city and stayed by her side the entire day.  He spent the extra $50 and got himself a backstage pass just so he could be there for her.  When her parents got there, they saved seats for me and her brother so we could watch together.  It was 4 hours from the time the show started until she actually got onstage.  Of course we all grabbed food together before finals and more people joined the party at the night show.  I appreciated that so much.  I love how close the family is and the number of hours they put in to see her onstage for less than 5 minutes, wow!

It reminded me of when I competed in Team Universe 2009.  My performance and placing was nothing to brag about, but what made that show my absolute favorite was that both my mom, dad, boyfriend at the time and my two best friends were in the audience for finals.  We all went to dinner together and I kept getting really quiet and just stared at everyone at the table.  My parents split when I was young and I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw them sit next to each other at a table.   They were all there for ME.  I felt important and it was great.

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Categories
FitbyTiana life

Deserve

One of the most difficult lessons I am trying to learn is to forgive myself for mistakes, bad choices, things that didn’t go as I had hoped, and most importantly for not loving myself enough to put ME FIRST.

It’s amazing to look back on my life and realize that I have always been so good to other people.  My happiness feeds off of helping others, putting a smile on someone’s face, helping a friend in need or teaching a child how to do something new… those things fulfill me and bring me unspeakable joy within the depths of my heart and soul.  But what about me?

Many of us are taught at an early age to always think of others before thinking of oneself.  Growing up, we didn’t have a opulant lifestyle.  My parents worked very hard and provided the best life they could at the time.  There were days where my brother and I would have to put a little water in the milk container and swish it around, so both of us could have cereal.  There were also days when I would go to school with no lunch because I wanted my brother to have the rest of the salami or ham that was in the refrigerator.  At a very young age, I knew that I could survive… that I would ALWAYS find a way, even if it meant being a little hungry or taking blame for something I didn’t do.

These lessons I learned were not necessarily bad, but what they did was instill this underlying vibration within my core that I do not deserve things and that I should always sacrifice my own wants, desires and needs for the sake of someone else… why? because everyone else is more important than me…. again, “I’ll survive.  I’ll find a way.  I can do without.”

My my my…. what this subconscious notion has done to my love life is horrific.  I’m at least able to now step outside myself and look at situations objectively, without my attached emotions.  It’s hard to reprogram yourself and detoxify negative energy.

It’s perfectly ok to want things and to feel a sense of deserving them.  I’m learning… slowly but surely, I’m learning.